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Ana,
I've heard about you from other girls, heard about how you changed their lives and made them into the girls they always
knew they could be. Oh, how I envied them! How I envied their self control, their beauty and grace, their thinness. I so
wanted to be like them. Sometimes I sit in my room and cry. I cry for a lot of reasons, Ana...I cry for the woman I never
was, and for the woman I want to be. Mostly, I cry because I hate myself.
I know that I am disgusting, I know that the only thing people ever notice about me is how gross I am. I have no self
control! I have no motivation! I am a big, disgusting blob of lard that doesn't deserve anything from anybody. I am a horrible,
evil person. I am ugly. And, above all, I am fat.
They said that you can't be "caught" - that someone either has you or they don't, there is no grey area. I
disagree. Ana, you and I were close once, so very close. It was a beautiful relationship and I looked forward to our future.
But something happened. Why did you have to go? Why did you get torn from my heart? I was so lost without you, Ana. I
thought I could make it without you. I thought with diet and exercise and some will power - even a little bit of will power!
- that I would be okay. I bought into the hype. People told me that you were bad for me, that you only made things worse.
I never should have listened. Without you, I am nothing but a disgusting sack of fat that should be punished for being so
gross.
I know you can help me. You have always been there for me. You have always made things better. I promise to be loyal
this time. I promise to listen to you, to put you in control. I won't stray from the path. I want so badly to be thin.
I want to be so light that I don't leave footsteps on the beach. I'm dying to be thin, dying to be perfect...
Love,
Michelle
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